DNC Schedule

2004 Democratic National Convention Schedule

The first day was taken from a piece floating around on the Internet. All other days were written by Phil Valentine & Johnny B

Day One

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony.

6:10 p.m. - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton

6:30 p.m. - Anti-war concert by Barbara Streisand.

6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:00 p.m. - Tribute theme to France.

7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for Saddam defense fund.

7:25 p.m. - Tribute theme to Germany.

7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)

8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop.

9:00 p.m. - Gay marriage ceremony (both male and female couples)

9:30.p.m. - * Intermission *

10:00.p.m. - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins

10:10 p.m. - Reenactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.

10:20.p.m. - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'

10:30 p.m. - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.

10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.

11:00 p.m. - Multiple gay marriage ceremony (threesomes, mixed and same sex).

11:15 p.m. - Maximizing Welfare workshop.

11:30 p.m. - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.

11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

2:30 a.m - Ted Kennedy drives Hillary home from the convention.

Day Two

2004 DEMOCRATIC National Convention Schedule

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony.

6:10 p.m. - Opening prayer to a tree by Al Gore

6:30 p.m. - Theresa Heinz Kerry sings "Take This Newspaper & Shove It."

6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:00 p.m. - A Dunkin' Donuts eating exhibition by Michael Moore.

7:10 p.m. - Ted Kennedy's "How to Swim to Safety" Seminar.

7:25 p.m. - The Blue Dress Fashion Show sponsored by Shout stain remover.

7:45 p.m. - Michael Dukakis rides on stage in a tank

8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. By this time he IS tanked.

8:30 p.m. - "Out-of-wedlock babies" workshop by Jesse Jackson.

9:00 p.m. - Seminar on makeup tips by Janet Reno.

9:30.p.m. - * Intermission *

10:00.p.m. - Senator Robert Byrd from W.Va. reads excerpts from his new book "My Rise from the Klan to C-SPAN."

10:10 p.m. - Workshop on 'How To Exit Your Pants in Case of a Fire' by Bill Clinton.

10:20.p.m. - Sandy Berger hosts the Top-Secret Document Stuff Relay Race

10:30 p.m. - Jacques Chirac demonstrates How to French kiss an Iraqi Dictator.

10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:50 p.m. - A retrospective on John Kerry's television career featuring his 3 years as "Mr. Ed."

11:00 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

Day Three

2004 DEMOCRATIC National Convention Schedule

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony.

6:10 p.m. - Opening prayer by Teresa Heinz Kerry in six different languages including English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portugese and the newest language - Obama.

6:30 p.m. - John Edwards teaches a seminar on "How to Sue the Pants off Your Boss." Bill Clinton has volunteered to be the guinea pig.

6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:00 p.m. - John Kerry's workshop on "How to look goofy in a clean suit."

7:10 p.m. - Jeaneane Garofolo and Al Franken hold a Sean Hannity book burning.

7:25 p.m. - Martha Stewart holds a workshop on "How to avoid the top 10 prison faux paus."

7:45 p.m. - Ben Affleck dons his Daredevil suit to rescue the media from Jesse Jackson.

8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:30 p.m. - Teresa Heinz Kerry reprises her role as Peg Bundy in Married With Children.

9:00 p.m. - Michael Jackson teaches a seminar on Family Values.

9:30.p.m. - * Intermission *

10:00.p.m. - Ted Kennedy flies above the Fleet Center as the Goodyear blimp.

10:10 p.m. - Terry McAufliffe, DNC chairman, lights candles at the alter of Barack Obama.

10:20.p.m. - Roger Clinton lights up something else at the alter of Barack Obama.

10:30 p.m. - Seminar on Anger Management conducted by Howard Dean.

10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:50 p.m. - Al Gore recalls how he invented, not only the Internet, but the Interstate and the Inner City.

11:59 p.m. - Barbra Streisand closes the night with the singing of the Soviet national anthem followed by her hit, People Who Abuse People.

11:00 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

Day Three

2004 DEMOCRATIC National Convention Schedule

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony.

6:10 p.m. - Opening prayer by Rev. Al Sharpton. He prays that the Democrats will continue to be stupid enough to invite him to speak at Democratic Conventions.

6:30 p.m. - John Edwards teaches a seminar on "Two Americas: The Enlightened and the Gullible."

6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:00 p.m. - John Kerry's workshop on how to flip-flop on the issues called "Trading Faces."

7:10 p.m. - John Mellencamp sings his latest hit "B-U-L-L in the USA."

7:25 p.m. - Rob Reiner does a scene from his new television show "All in the Dysfunctional Family."

7:45 p.m. - Ben Affleck mud wrestles Chris Heinz for a date with the Kerry girls.

8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:30 p.m. - Teresa Heinz Kerry holds a Dominatrix Workshop.

9:00 p.m. - John Edwards reprises his role as Forrest Gump.

9:30.p.m. - * Intermission *

10:00.p.m. - Michael Moore flies above the Fleet Center as the Goodyear blimp.

10:30 p.m. - Seminar on "How To Make a Real Documentary" conducted by Paris Hilton.

10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:50 p.m. - John Kerry's speech entitled, "Two Americans: That's all that believes this crap I'm saying."

11:59 p.m. - Fleetwood Mac closes the convention with the Democrat theme song, "Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies."

11:00 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast and accepts the nomination for president.